Starting Over

I have to admit, I am happier now than I’ve ever been. And not for lack of trying, my goodness, I searched high and low for happiness over the years and buried myself in mountains of theology in the process.

The happiness I feel now comes in the waves that wash away all of the teachings I once held so dear. Clung to even. I needed so badly to have a framework to grip onto, that would and could be a scaffold for me to climb the Everest of life. I didn’t feel like I belonged to anyone or any place, and so a rigid ideology was the perfect surrogate for a placeless person such as me.

But over the last several years, I’ve started to unravel from that in a way I didn’t expect, in fact, had even feared. I had developed an identity, a personality even, around being a Yoga darling, an astrology zealot, a therapeutic safe place for any and every issue. Who was I if I wasn’t these? And the fact that it all collided into the same time and space as a global pandemic and 3 back to back babies - well - thats enough to shake loose any ghosts needing set free.

And so free them I did. I let them go. I was many things. I am not them anymore. The things I am now, Mother, Wife, Homesteader, Homemaker, Homeschooler, these things are who I truly am.

A Child of God, that’s who I always was.

And that’s enough for me.